May 1st - 17th 2011
The Boundary Waters Canoe Area sits up on the border of Canada and Minnesota. At my school, Jefferson County Open School, there is a senior trip that ventures out to the boundary waters at the end of every school year. I took this 17 day trip, nine of which out in the wilderness of Minnesota and Canada canoeing, with hesitation and excitement.
Day 1:
Driving back through the Black Hills is very familiar, especially with Jenny and Jacob in the front seat. I took a trip back in 2008 with the two of them right here in the black hills, studying science and art! These black hills also remind me of my sweet mother. The two of us also took a trip to the black hills.
All of these thoughts spinning in my head make me think how much im going to miss my mom! I feel like a child simply because its the first day and here i am missing my mother. These thoughts take my attention to a dear friend who's father just died. I will see my mother in 17 days, my beloved friend never gets to see his father again. My heart breaks for him. I simply cant imagine the emotion and endless heartache he must be suffering with.
Day 2:
Finally seeing something new! We went through the Wind Cave tour early this morning then traveled on the wild life loop. Later in the day we traveled to the Bad Lands, and played in those desalt lands for a few hours. We are camping in a small campground on the Bad Lands. Right now I am watching the sun set, which is happening quite rapidly over the Bad Lands. This whole scene is reminding me of my beloved Backpacking trip through the Grand Gulch Canyon in Utah. So far, so much of this trip is reminding me of other trips i have taken with the Open School. I am sorely going to miss this type of traveling - with the Open school. I am so very grateful for this trip, it will allow me to fully grieve graduating, and separating form the Open School community.
Day 3:
I have been sleeping so well, i thought i wouldn't get hardly any sleep this whole trip, but its been the exact opposite, i can finally sleep! Every time i crawl into that sleeping bag I feel so overwhelmed with love, first off because its so very warm but secondly because my Adviser Lauren lent it to me!
Today we had a fabulous day exploring the Bad Lands even more! We took a short, yet extensive hike through the Bad Lands to a cliff over looking miles and miles of flat land! At first I thought the five day road trip was just lallygagging around, but now I feel its a way of acquainting ourselves with each other and preparing our selves for the upcoming nine extensive days to come! I gotta give my school some credit, they have been doing this trip for over 30 years!
Day 4:
Today was mostly a driving day. I rode in the suburban for the majority of the day. And today i realized today that I am NO GOOD at small talk! I began to laugh because my car mates (Nora, Kaitlyn and Jenny) were talking about tea, tea and MORE tea! I laughed aloud because I was searching my mind for something to add to this conversation about tea, but found absolutely nothing! So when I laughed, appropriately, they looked at me with curiosity. I began to inform them they had been talking about tea for the past hour and I started to laugh again. They reacted as if i was judging them or that i was laughing at them. When in reality I was laughing at myself, because I am the worst at small talk! Nora then replied with a saucy tone "Well, what would YOU like to talk about?" I was flustered with this question, I began scrounging my mind for a good conversation piece. All that would surface for some very odd reason was abortion, so I let the word leak out before thinking about it. They all gawked at me when i blurted the word. Then weirdly enough the conversation began to flow, flawlessly. It hopped from abortion to breast feeding to very in depth details of home birth. Then it moved into marriages and crushes and what marriage means. Then unfortunately the conversation led to my life in 2009 and that whole fiasco. Apparently I can only do intense conversations.
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Once we got to the Minnesota campground, I went down to the lake and began to journal. After about 20 minutes I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, i jerked my head rapidly in the direction and saw a huge owl gliding. Just as fast as i saw it flying it was gone, i sat staring at the direction it was flying. Until I heard a hoot of an owl directly behind me! I slowly moved my body towards the owl. I look strait up at it, it couldn't have been more than 15 feet away from me. As I looked at it, it stared right back at me, not breaking eye contact once! I was eery to stare at something so long, and have it stare right back at me! My heart began to race uncontrollably. I began to think if this was an aggressive bird, though I knew in the back of my head it was not, I was still unsure. It then smoothly flew to t tree approximately 10 feet away from me, while still staring at me. It then hooted again - AT ME! I felt the need to protect myself, so I looked down at my lap, all I had was a pencil, "it'll do." I held my pencil tightly and looked back up, and the owl was gone. I disappeared just as silently as it had appeared. Day 5:
Today was an emotionally draining day. In mid day we stopped for a quick rest, then suddenly all hell broke loose. One of the students was found with a pack of cigarettes (That's a big no no.) and the discussion began about what the consequences should be. After long conversations the decision was made to send him home at his own expense. It was heart breaking to watch all of this unfold, because I knew how much this trip meant to him, but I also knew he was fully aware of the rules on this trip. After all the logistics he was sent home from Minnesota on a 20 hour bus ride.
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We finally made it to Ely, Minnesota! Once we got to the bunk house we immediately began to sort food in the rain! There were two big husky/wolf looking dogs running around with two tiny little mutts. They were playing friendly for a while, then it turned worse, growling and yelping began to sound. I looked over and saw one of the big dogs running away with the little dog in its mouth, the little dog was screaming/yelping. Nora sprinted over to the dogs shouting "STOP, NO, DOWN!!" Just then the dog released and ran off leaving the little dog on its back urinating on itself. The owner ran out grabbed his dog and went inside just as fast as he had came out.
Day 6:
Okay, we are getting on the water today, and surprisingly enough, I am okay! I mean, im anxious, and a little nervous about the 18 miles we are to cover today. But I'm okay! I took this trip to prove to myself that I am a survivor. My mantra - I am a survivor!
Okay, we are getting on the water today, and surprisingly enough, I am okay! I mean, im anxious, and a little nervous about the 18 miles we are to cover today. But I'm okay! I took this trip to prove to myself that I am a survivor. My mantra - I am a survivor!
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We got on the water and set out! Everyone was a little shaky at first, but by the end of moose lake we were all pro's! Jenny and I were canoe mates, she was sheerer and I was the engine! I could feel my arms beginning to do their weird dysfunctional pain, so i poped an ibuprofen, and poof the pain was gone! Unfortunately the ibuprofen couldn't erase the pain that came form to portages. Today we had six portages all equaling up to 175 rods!
I have this immense apritiation for:
I have this immense apritiation for:
- My hand made wool socks!
- My warm warm hat
- Pain killers
- My pillow
- My Mom!
Loving Life!
Day 7:
I'M SO SORE!!!! My everything hurts, I feel like I cant even move my arms! Even writing this is difficult, oh how am I ever going to paddle 12 more miles today? I just gotta push on "I am a survivor!"
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Today was absolutely amazing! On this very day I fell in love with the Boundary Waters! Today it was beautifully warm, sunny and the water was still. The 12 miles and one portage flew by with ease! We got to Ameober Lake (our base lake for 6 days) and leisurely set up camp. Jenny made a spectacular dinner of cuscus and and a carmeled apples, cream cheese, tortilla thingy - delicious! Then Nick and I ended our day fishing on a sunset still lake - beautiful! 
Day 8:
I am whole heatedly loving this trip! The first half of today we simply relaxed around camp and fished! The second half of today we set out to scope out our solo spots in the rain. Kaitlyn, Oceana and I set out on the three person canoe and scouted! The second spot we found Oceana fell in love with! The third spot Kaitlyn found hers. Now it was down to me, where did I want to go? Nowhere seemed right. So after searching and searching for a long time we went back to base camp, and I still had no solo spot. When we got back to camp I was so frustrated I was almost in tears, I looked at the map, and studied were other people had their spots. There was one little peninsula left... and it was mine, and it was perfect!
Day 9:
Solo day number ONE!!! We woke up bright and early, ate LOADS of oatmeal and set out to our solo spots! (A solo - three nights and three full days alone in the wilderness.) The very moment I got to my rock, I lugged my gear to a safe spot, and began to scout out my land! I felt very territorial. My goals for my solo location was to have a flat area, birch trees, and a nice access to the water. When I was scoping out my area I found a nice little hideout tucked away from above and below viewers. In this nice little hideout there is a circle of trees and a cushy flat area with one birch tree! The only downside to this spot is that it is quite a trek away from the water. Other than that it seems perfect!
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I'm now sitting in my shelter because its raining, and im feeling a little claustrophobic, I think I need to get out, even if I have to sit in the rain, I need to see the water. My heart is racing and its only three hours into my solo.
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Im back in my shelter, a little calmer. Its getting very very cold. My toes are very cold, although they probably would be frozen if not for these knitted wool socks!!! I'm so grateful for these socks and sleeping bag! I just simply wish it was sunny. I'll just go to bed.
Day 10:
ARGH! I woke up with slugs all over my sleeping and covering my shelter!
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For the most part, last night was good. I woke up a few times here and there from noises of breaking branches or shuffling leaves. But I was always able to get myself to fall back asleep. When I woke up with the sun and sat up, my hair was dripping wet, which only comforted the slugs that were cuddling with me.This was the last straw... this shelter and location was simply not going to work. I began to lug all my gear back down the steep hill to the rock I was dropped off on. and I just decided to set up there. My thought process was that if I am really close to the water the noise of it would soothe me, and drowned out all the other sounds.
I remember when I was a very young girl, my favorite song was as the deer panteth for the water. I used to sing that song relentlessly. Oddly enough I have that song stuck in my head for the first time in many years. But when I sing it, it calms me. I can sing as loud as I want out here, I can't see nor hear anyone! This is so profound - being ALONE! My appreciation list is continuously growing. When it comes down to the basics of what I live for and what truly means the most to me is the people in my life. My family, my friends and my community, that's it, they are why I live.
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When I bought this tarp for this solo I took it outside to size it up and determine if it would work or not. My niece Lily followed me outside, she, being the cheerful little two year old that she is, began to giggle and throw the tarp around and play peekaboo. I could have easily gotten frustrated, but how could I when I hear her sweet little giggle and her precious little smile. I couldn't help but laugh, smile, and play right along with her! Now when I lay here in this cold, windy, and rainy weather under this tarp, I think of my sweet, loving niece! I miss my two little niece's, their sweet little faces, and their innocent childish ways!
If I miss anyone the most, it is undoubtedly my mother. I am so grateful for her life dedication to raising me and my three siblings. She has completely dedicated her life to us kids. My mother is the most amazing person I know. Her patience, understanding, and never ending love astounds me. Her curiosity and passion to further her own knowledge about anything and everything inspires me. Her willingness to change and grow into an even more beautiful, genuine person never ceases to amaze me. If I grow into a woman like my mother I know my future will hold great things.________________________________________
Its quite interesting to be back in the very same place me and my mother were when we took our Canada road trip back in 2009. In that time in our lives i felt like the supporter to my mother, especially on that trip. Now being back here, on my solo, I am the supporter to myself.
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The silence out here is so immaculate. Although I know I am alone, im not necessarily fully alone. Now on day two, I have gained an appreciation for the land, trees, water, and the sun. I now understand why the native people believe that the earth is our mother earth. I see the earth has a heart beat - the flow of the wind. Mother earth speaks through the clashing of water and rocks. She shows warmth, care and love through the heat of the sun. Everything on this earth has life, each flower, each tree, each butterfly has its very own flow and rhythmic heart beat. (I think I went a little crazy)________________________________________
EWWW I just got my first tick!!!!! I was rubbing the back of my neck and felt a bump. I wouldn't have know it was there otherwise, that just makes me freak out because... were else could they be?________________________________________
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ARGH!!!! I am so unbelievably stupid! I just threw my water bottle IN the LAKE!!! I was trying to to strategically fill it up from further out in the lake, so I tied a rope around the bottle and tossed it out... then LET GO of the rope!!! I'm truly a mess right now, I feel like I just watched my life sink. That sent me over the edge, I'm a crying mess. I honestly don't know what to do. I need water - obviously I need water. But I am all alone. I want to ask someone what to do, i want to ask ANYONE what to do. But I am all alone. I cant even get ahold of someone if I wanted to. I tried to ask God - no answer. I have been hardly drinking water, and I just had my last sip. ________________________________________
I just peed completely clear. Is that a bad thing? I think that's a bad thing. I definitely peed out of anxiety. ________________________________________
Every time I lightly set my hand down on the rock, and pick it back up it is the exact shape of the rock. What does this mean? I'm dehydrated... I know it.________________________________________
Okay, I'm beginning to calm down. I am in my shelter, staring at the water reading, journaling, and singing. Any other day this would be heaven, but for right now it is simply beginning to calm my heart rate. 
